Back on the FF Train (again)

My last post was August 8.

This blog is called Stack of Shame, after all. This is how it happens.

That said, I’ve been playing Final Fantasy XIII-2 for a couple hours each night for a few days now. I collected 10–20 fragments. Leveled Serah and Noel a lot — probably way more than I needed to. Leveled some of the monsters a bit too.

I also opened up some new stages. Two versions of Vile Peaks. I’ve played some of one of them.

It’s been fun. Good for blowing off steam. I think I may be winding up some of the leveling for now and I may delve back into the main storyline.

Back to FF XIII-2

It’s been a few weeks since I last posted. I didn’t play Final Fantasy XIII-2 at all until two weekends ago. We did a little travelling and my kid has become much more mobile (he just turned 8 months). So we’ve had our hands full.

I did get some time that weekend, though, and I needed to blow off steam. So I played it for a few hours on and off. Of course there’s always that initial half-hour or so of disorientation when picking up a game after a while. I’ll forget how to pull up the map, or I won’t know why a character is equipped with this or that. This time was no exception, but it didn’t take long.

I wasn’t up for advancing the story (it’s hard to get into a movie or a game when you’ve got a squealing, gargling, pooping miniature person crawling all over you), so I decided to go for chocobo racing. I don’t have the time to experiment with it (see previous parenthetical), so I just went to the strategy guide. If I didn’t cheat, I probably wouldn’t bother doing it. So yeah. It gave some instructions for building up a Silver Chocobo to race with.

In a nutshell, this involves acquiring a Silver Chocobo, building up its stats, then infusing other creatures (one of which I also needed to build up). Building up stats in creatures requires certain items, which can be obtained by fighting certain creatures.

This is time-consuming. For example. I needed something like 46 Potent Essences. Which sounds pretty gross. There are a handful of creatures that will drop them after a fight. I went to the Archylte Steppe to track them down. I had completed some quests there earlier that ultimately resulted in me being able to control the weather with some steampunk machine.

Yes, I said control the weather. With a machine. Look — this game has magic, time travel and angry, fighting, hat-wearing dessert treats. Just go with it.

So these particular creatures only appear on the west part of the map and only when it’s raining. I set the controls for rain and spent a couple hours stomping around in puddles and collecting Potent Essences from Mud Frogs, Swampmonks and Caterchipillars. You know — a typical Sunday afternoon.

Did I mention that it was time consuming? Because it was. If I was lucky, I would get 1 Potent Essence after a fight. I occasionally got 3 or 4, but usually 1 or none. After one fight, I freakishly got 9. I was almost there when something happened that destroyed about an hour’s worth of progress.

Before I explain it, let me explain how our living room is currently arranged. We’ve got a fireplace. On either side of it are some shelves where most audio/video equipment, video games, etc. are. The TV is mounted above the fireplace. 1 There’s a couch on one adjoining perpendicular wall and a love seat on the other. There’s a chair facing the TV. The chair has an ottoman. There’s another, larger general-purpose ottoman. There’s no fourth wall — there are no walls separating the living room from the dining room or kitchen, which means when the dishwasher is going, I can’t hear shit unless I turn the volume up loud. That’s easy to do, since we’ve got 5 speakers installed in the ceiling. But I also share my house with my wife and baby, so courtesy demands I not blast it. But I digress.

So my receiver, PS3, etc. are all close to the ground. They are therefore in constant danger now that my son can crawl. So we set up a gate that does a good job of keeping him away from all that and the fireplace. It’s arranged in a curve, butting up against the sides of the couch and love seat. We arrange the ottomans on the other side, and the baby effectively has a large playpen.2

I was playing the game, my kid was rolling around, gurgling and doing baby-type things, and my wife was going between playing with him and watching what I was doing.

So here’s the problem: he can still reach through the gate far enough to reach the PS3. And the eject button. And the disc, once it’s ejected. So he did all those things. In the span of several seconds.

I was of two minds. One, I was annoyed that I lost my progress, though I obviously couldn’t fault a baby (well, I could, but then I’d be a big jerk). Two, I was pretty impressed that he was able to eject then remove the disc, which I was able to get to away him before he did something unspeakable to it.

So I need to rethink the setup.

On the upside, restarting from my last save seemed to reset a random number generator or something, and I got the materials I needed much more quickly.

I’ve procrastinated on this post long enough, so I’ll pick up where I left off in the next post.

  1. The room was designed for this, otherwise I wouldn’t have done it. The mantle makes my 50″ TV look like it’s 40″, and it’s too high — I’d prefer it to be closer to eye-level.
  2. Read: he’s locked up.

Final Fantasy XIII-2: Graviton Cores, Music as a Crutch

I’ve hit a point where I’m hunting for items called “Graviton Cores” to help with a plot-related task.1 I’ve tracked down a couple of them, but the remaining ones are proving a little hard to find. Still, it’s giving me plenty of opportunity to level, collect monster crystals, etc. Which is another way of saying, “I’m doing one of my favorite things ever”.

But this also puts me at risk of accidentally abandoning the game. I get very wrapped up in all the advancement, then I take a break (like, perhaps, a holiday trip). Then I don’t jump right back in, because I was in the middle of something in the game. And I never have the time to reacquaint myself with what I was doing, and next thing I know, I haven’t played it for 3 months.

Still, I’m having fun and I’ll try to avoid this problem. That, after all, is the entire point of this blog.

Since there’s not much to talk about (yet) when it comes to leveling, I thought I’d write a little about the music in the game.

I’m a big fan of the series’ music, especially the music composed by Nobuo Uematsu, which is most of it. I don’t think the music for this game was done by him, but it’s still pretty good. My only gripe with it is that many of the songs have vocals.

I find the vocals to be horribly distracting. I’m not sure when vocals first started showing up in Final Fantasy music. I think it was X, but I’m not sure. In X, a song in one of the opening cinematic had death metal-style growling or barking. It wasn’t too bad there, though it was a little surprising.

In XIII-2, though, there are several tracks with vocals. And some of these are played during regular exploration. I find it very distracting. I also find it less fun. I usually make up ridiculous lyrics in my head. While I was re-playing Final Fantasy VII a few years ago, my wife came up with lyrics for two songs: one to the game’s main theme about Mexican food, the other for the battle music about Rainbow Horseheads. Discussion of these will have to wait for a future posting. For now, take my word for it that they were amazing.

Also, though, with vocals suddenly the songs become more concretely about something. And usually not something as interesting as the action going on onscreen. Moreover, now there’s another character of sorts to contend with — the vocalist.

And yes, I have similar feelings about music used in other media. Overall it’s used too much, and when it is used, it’s used poorly. Music so saturates games, movies and television that it can be jarring and disconcerting when it’s not used — I recall a notable episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer that used the lack of music to good effect. In games a lack of music is often used to incur feelings of discomfort in players.

That’s always interesting, but it also highlights how much games, movies and television use music as a crutch. When used well, music can compliment some amazing storytelling. When the storytelling is weak, the viewer is left with emotional reactions to something that isn’t particularly compelling. That is, the music is serving as a cue — “Get goosebumps! This is an emotional moment!” — rather than letting the action speak for itself.

This was parodied very well by SNL several years ago:

I realize that I’m rambling a bit incoherently here. The point I’m trying to make is that music should compliment an experience. It should be a part of the experience, but over-reliance on it annoys me. And introducing a song with vocals is often heavy-handed, compounding my annoyance.

Final Fantasy games don’t tell objectively masterful stories. I wouldn’t argue that at all. But very few stories are masterful, and I certainly don’t expect that from any video game. Final Fantasy games do tell a good story augmented by excellent character development mechanisms and turn-based-derived combat. These are well-complimented by Uematsu’s (and Uematsu-inspired) excellent scores.

But XIII and XIII-2 have, well, pop songs.

Most of them aren’t pop songs, but the ones that are draw attention to themselves.

It certainly doesn’t ruin the game(s) for me. But along with the hyperactive battle system and the cinematic quick-time events, it gives me the impression that they’re trying to appeal to a wider (or a certain?) demographic. This isn’t necessarily bad, but the games are starting to feel different. These games don’t need these elements to be good.

  1. If you’re friends with me on Facebook, you probably saw this as a status update posted directly from the game.

Final Fantasy XIII-2: Chocobo Racing and Moogle-Tossing

I’m about 30 hours into the game. It’s been pretty fun so far. I opened up a Golden Saucer-like location1 called Serendipity. So far there are 2 games available — Slots and Chocobo Racing. I was very excited to see this — I have fond memories of the Chocobo Racing mini-game in Final Fantasy VII. I entered one race and bet against my own chocobo. This paid off — my chocobo was not very good. Anyway, I’ve decided to put racing on the back burner for now. If it’s anything like the racing in VII, I’d risk getting very sidetracked if I started now.

This game, intentionally or otherwise, has many references to older Final Fantasy games. The intro sequence has a scene with a sword landing in the ground that reminds me of the intro to Final Fantasy VIII. In fact, the feathers that seem to fly when Lightning brandishes her weapon is very similar to a part of VIII‘s opening as well.2

Also, Noel Kreiss seems kind of familiar. Maybe he’s reminiscent of Final Fantasy X‘s Tidus? I do suspect, at this point in the game, that he may not be a real person.

This game also involves the moogle Mog more than most games. He/She was a playable character in Final Fantasy VI. I don’t think that’s happened since. Mog transforms into Serah’s weapon during combat, and is used for item discovery & retrieval outside of combat. By item discovery and retrieval, I mean that Serah or Noel grabs Mog, while Mog cries “Kupo kupo kupo”, then hurls him/her toward an out-of-reach treasure ball, or just in a random direction. If there’s a treasure nearby, Mog will retrieve its contents. If not, I can sometimes get a good item anyway, though I usually just receive 1 gil.

Moogle-throwing is oddly satisfying.

Anyway, I’ve been pounding away on the game. I get more time in on weekends than weekdays. Since I can’t just pick up and play it like I could with Final Fantasy (which I played on my PSP), I kind of need to set aside time for it. But, as I said, I am about 30 hours in. I’m guessing I’m about halfway through.

A few other notes: The Academia location was fairly annoying. I’d get into a fight every few seconds. Most of them were against very weak enemies, but it was irritating that if it took too long to get my bearings after a fight, I’d be right back in another one. This game has a convention where you’re alerted that you’re about to fight. A countdown starts, and if you locate and strike the enemy before the time’s up, you begin the fight at an advantage. The problem is, when the countdown starts, you scramble in various directions to hit the enemy. Once you’re out of the fight, you’re facing in a random direction, and sometimes you lose your bearings.

I worry that Square Enix concentrates too much on making these games exciting — the battles in this and Final Fantasy XIII are much more fast-paced than earlier games. I know there’s the option to carefully plan your attacks, but you can only do that with your lead character. And while you’re trying to select attacks, the battle rages on, so you’re better off just mashing Auto Battle, which picks a series of appropriate actions for you. In many ways it’s kind of a hybrid of Final Fantasy XII and the older games. You are basically configuring patterns for your characters to fight in, with occasional intervention. So there definitely is a strategic element to battles, but non-boss battles become both over-stimulating and boring at the same time. The camera flies all over the place, shit’s exploding, people are yelling things — it’s hard to keep track of it all. On the other hand, I spend most of my time mashing X and watching my characters’ vitals, with occasional glances at the enemies’ life and stagger bars. It’s a very different experience to traditional turn-based video roleplaying games (or at least the ones I’ve played).

The draw of earlier Final Fantasy games was the strategy in combat, character development and, at least after the first game, plot. From VII on, cinematic cut-scenes were also part of the experience and a reason to play. This game (and XIII) have all those plus these rather frenetic battles. I’m not sure that this is necessary, but it certainly doesn’t ruin the game for me.

Another irritant — this game, along with games like Assassin’s Creed (and from what I’ve seen, Call of Duty), like to throw important dialog at you while you’re otherwise engaged in activities. I don’t multitask well.

These are minor nitpicks, though. I’m enjoying it a lot so far. The time travel plot is interesting. There’s been hints that my characters are actually the cause of the time travel problems — that is, in the future (or in the future of their personal narratives) they may do something which kicks off the sequence of events that started the game. When they run into Caius Ballad in different areas, he talks to them differently. It’s not clear how his narrative or theirs intersect. It’s also being heavily suggested that it’s not always actually Caius they’re running into — some of them may be artificial reproductions.

On the other hand, at one point Serah’s fiancé, Snow, did a Back to the Future-style fadeaway. That sort of thing never made sense to me. If you’re going to adhere to a branching model of time then you wouldn’t have situations like that. That said, a central element of the game is the existence of paradoxes, which by definition don’t make logical sense, so I think a few weird things like that can be forgiven.

  1. The Golden Saucer was a location in Final Fantasy VII. There were some plot events there, but mostly it served as a site for a bunch of mini-games.
  2.  Update: I don’t know how I forgot to mention it, but Caius releasing Yuel into the water is an overt reference to Final Fantasy VII.

Final Fantasy XIII-2

I had to double-check the name of this blog. It is not, in fact, Stack of Final Fantasy Shame. Regardless, I had a lot of fun finishing Final Fantasy XIII and I wanted to jump right into its sequel, Final Fantasy XIII-2.

Remember my disdain for time travel in entertainment? It turns out that time travel is central to XIII-2. Interestingly, so far it’s been the good kind of time travel — it seems to respect the consistency of the timeline, with only a couple apparent exceptions. I’m not far enough into the plot yet, though, to say for sure if these really are inconsistencies.1 A consequence of this game’s time travel is that you can, under the right conditions, replay entire segments of the game repeatedly, making different decisions. This is the first of the potential inconsistencies, but it’s so much fun (and it caters to my compulsive desire to explore all options) that it doesn’t bother me. The second possible inconsistency is what kicks off the main plot: Serah, Lightning’s sister, remembers greeting her at the end of the events in Final Fantasy XIII, but everyone else insists that this never happened — that Lightning had joined Vanille and Fang in turning into the giant pillar holding Cocoon aloft.

The game opens with the player in control of Lightning. It turns out she’s in Valhalla, which, if not a place, is a time — specifically, the end of it. Or out of it. I’m not entirely clear on this point yet. But she’s locked in what appears to be perpetual battle with an opponent named Caius Ballad. During a respite, a character named Noel Kreiss shows up. She is not at all surprised and sends him into the past with instructions to contact her sister, Serah.

I’m not going to recount too much of the plot — this is still a somewhat new game. I will discuss certain interesting plot points, though.

I’m very late on this post, so I’ll leave it here. I have a few things I want to talk about, including character customization, the dynamic between the two main characters and the use of time travel in the game.

I’m enjoying so far!

  1. I’ve since come across a few Back to the Future moments — oh well.

Final Fantasy XIII: Won!

My wife wanted to see me beat Final Fantasy XIII — it turns out she’s never actually seen me beat a Final Fantasy game. But that meant waiting until the weekend, since our workday evenings are usually pretty busy.

I actually started playing Final Fantasy XIII shortly after it was released in 2010. I was chugging right along and was around 90% through it in July 2010. I was actually playing it when I got a call informing me that a friend had killed himself.

I might have attempted to play it once or twice in the weeks and months after that, but I don’t think I did. At any rate, I don’t recall playing it then. I next picked it up in early 2012.

The problem with such a long gap in play time for a game like this is that you forget the context for your characters’ current status. You may have been involved in the main quest, or you may be on a side quest. The ability or magic system may not make sense after such a long time. You may quite simply not know what to do.

Sometimes, though, you can figure it out. Final Fantasy XIII has a neat little feature where when it’s loading a saved game it gives you a recap of recent events. It doesn’t give you all the details, but often it’s enough to jog your memory.

Spoilers follow.1

When I did pick it back up, my characters were on the planet Gran Pulse. There are two main settings in the game: Cocoon, where the game begins, which is a satellite of the planet Gran Pulse. The inhabitants of Cocoon have lived there for a long time. Cocoon is, I believe, an artificial construction. It’s run by a group called the Sanctum, who if I remember correctly, are an oligarchy of sorts which is or resembles a theocratic institution.

Cocoon is sustained by beings called fal’Cie. They’re usually large and powerful. The fal’Cie are manipulative — they can effectively enslave humans. The human becomes magically marked with a tattoo of sorts and becomes a “l’Cie”. Each l’Cie has a goal, called a “Focus”, unique to it. They don’t necessarily know what that goal is. If they fulfill their Focus, they’re rewarded by being turned into crystal (some reward). If they fail, they undergo another transformation into a being called a Cie’th, which are creatures or monsters with the mental life of a zombie.

Over the course of the game, the main characters become l’Cie. They are eventually told that their Focus is to destroy Cocoon. One of them will turn into a monster called Ragnarok and destroy the fal’Cie Orphan. This will result in the destruction of Cocoon.

The playable characters are:

  • Lightning — an experienced former soldier. You start the game with her and Sazh. She’s trying to find and rescue her sister, Serah.
  • Sazh — a pilot who is trying to reunite with his son, Dajh, who has been taken by the Sanctum.
  • Snow — Serah’s fiancee. Leader of a group that’s opposed to the Sanctum.
  • Hope — a kid whose mother dies early in the game and blames Snow.
  • Vanille — the narrator of the story. She’s a l’Cie from a village on  Gran Pulse called Oerba.
  • Fang — also a l’Cie from Oerba, she became Ragnarok in the past to kill Orphan, but initially has no memory of it.

Ultra-brief story summary: Serah and Dajh come in contact with a fal’Cie and become l’Cie. While trying to find Serah, Lightning, Sazh, Snow and Hope become l’Cie (unbeknownst to them, I think, Vanille is already a l’Cie — so is Fang, but she’s not in the group yet). Serah accomplishes her Foci quickly and turns to crystal. Lightning and Snow are understandably not okay with this. They resolve to restore her. I think that Dajh is (or was) at some point turned to crystal as well. They run all over Cocoon, solving most of their problems the same way characters in all Final Fantasy games usually solve their problems, with a great deal of violence. They discover that the Sanctum leader is actually a disguised fal’Cie named Barthandelus. They find out that their Focus is to destroy Cocoon, and then something neat will happen. I don’t recall what. Probably some pretty apocalyptic stuff. Eventually they go down to Gran Pulse. There are some seriously huge creatures there. I made it most of the way through Gran Pulse. I was about to go back to Cocoon when I got the bad news about my friend and stopped playing.

When I started playing again a year and a half later, I made it back to Cocoon to a place called Orphan’s Cradle. It was a surreal place — it was like the inside of psychedelic wind tunnel. I made it most of the way through it before getting distracted from the game.

After beating Final Fantasy, I thought I’d have a go at finally finishing the 13th installment. I took a look at an online walkthrough to get my bearings and realized that I was very, very close to the end. On the last day of the long Memorial Day weekend, I started playing again. And was almost immediately astonished by how hard the fights were. After a moderately difficult fight with a Bandersnatch and a Jabberwocky, I was teleported to another section. There I fought a large beast, called an Immortal, that was similar to other less powerful creatures I had fought before. But it wiped the floor with me. I then tried fighting some of the smaller enemies in the area and had a similar outcome.

Back in the day I would do two runs through a Final Fantasy game. I’d do one run through just to get the main plot and beat the game, and a second run to fully explore every facet of the game. I don’t do that anymore, since the amount of time required is prohibitive, and my interest in the game can’t be sustained across many short sessions if the gameplay required for all the extras is both tedious and complicated. But, even these days, if I come up against a part of the game that’s too hard, I have no problem setting aside some time to developing the characters enough to be able to handle the challenges.

But this game is different. I never really fully grasped what was required to advance characters. The system to develop abilities is called the Chrystarium, and I understood that. But most of my weapons and accessories were fairly weak. I had, back in 2010, managed to upgrade a bunch of them, but it’s a weird process and I don’t remember exactly how it works. And the in-game help was surprisingly vague, unless I somehow missed or skimmed a thorough explanation (that’s very possible).

So I was faced with this dilemma — do I go back and invest a lot of time developing the characters? That might be okay, but I’m doing this in conjunction with this blog, and I since I was already starting very late in the game, I didn’t think that would provide anything resembling interesting material for posts.

Instead, I tried messing with what the game refers to as “Paradigms”. The characters can adopt different roles, or jobs, in older Final Fantasy games’ parlance, in combat. In some early Final Fantasy games, you could change your jobs outside of combat.2 In others, especially more recent entries, you can change mid-battle. In this game, you don’t specifically change a character’s job mid-battle, you change the group configuration of jobs. So you may start a battle in the “Relentless Assault” paradigm, which consists of 1 Commando and 2 Ravagers. A Commando is a typical fighter. A Ravager is an offensive magic user. If one or more of your characters start to take damage, you may want to heal them. To do so, you might switch to the “Diversity” paradigm, which consists of 1 Commando, 1 Ravager and 1 Medic. The Medic casts spells that benefit the party members, including healing spells.

There are many possible paradigms — I think 16. However, you can only have about half that number available to at any given time. You configure them outside combat. If it turns out that you didn’t configure “Diversity” and you’re in a fight, you can’t use it until you are outside of combat and enable it.

Good use of paradigms are the only way to advance in Final Fantasy XIII. You can button-mash through weak enemies, but bosses and mini-bosses are considerably more formidable. Before I understood this, I was often very surprised at how quickly the game seemed to ramp up the difficulty. It wasn’t really — it just required good strategies. And it’s not just the use of a particular paradigm — you can (and usually have to) switch paradigms many times over the course of a battle.

So that’s what I did. I don’t remember offhand what paradigms I configured, but I managed to barely survive some of these battles.

I made my way deeper into Orphan’s Cradle until I got to the last save of the game. That’s where I stopped until this weekend, so my wife could watch.

I expected the first fight: it was with the fal’Cie Barthandalus. I beat him on the first try, but it was a little difficult.

The characters thought they were finished, but then Orphan shows up.

Orphan mopped the floor with me. In true Final Fantasy tradition, it has a mega-attack that reduces everyone to a very small amount of hit points. If my party leader (in this case Lightening) gets killed, it’s game over. I couldn’t heal her fast enough, and a followup attack killed her. So I rejiggered my paradigms and tried again. After beating Barthandalus again, I took another shot. I did better this time, though I really did squeak by.

Also in Final Fantasy tradition, it wasn’t quite over yet. Another incarnation of Orphan (or something) shows up. This one wasn’t so hard, though there was a time limit on the fight.

I’m skipping some stuff, with Fang turning into Ragnarok, everyone else except Vanille supposedly turning into Cie’th, etc. Honestly, given the long gaps in my play of this game, I’m a little confused.

Anyway, everyone escapes, except for Fang and Vanille. Those two become Ragnarok and stop Cocoon from crashing into Gran Pulse by turning into a giant crystal that keeps Cocoon aloft.

Everyone else, now down on Gran Pulse, turns to crystal.

I half-expected it to end there. Boom, everyone’s crystal now, the end. But they somehow un-crystalized. Serah and Dajh show up and everyone is happy. Except for Vanille and Fang, who are still crystal.

I think I will replay this game at some point. The very long break I took diminished my enjoyment of the gameplay and plot. The game did allow me to save the game after winning, so I don’t have to start a new game to explore some parts more carefully.

I had a lot of fun playing it, though — so much that I decided to just start playing Final Fantasy XIII-2 next.

  1. That’s really what this site is, isn’t it? One big spoiler?
  2. There were plenty of games, however, with fixed roles. This was the case for the first game, which I recently beat, though you do choose your characters’ “jobs” in the very beginning. Others include II, IV, VI, VII, I think VIII and IX. Games with jobs include III, V, X-2, and now XIII. Final Fantasy X and XII allowed you to develop other job-like skills, but the characters would come to embody multiple jobs, not switch between them.

Final Fantasy: Won!

As I hinted at the end of the previous post, I beat Final Fantasy this weekend.

Settle in, because we’re going to cover time paradoxes, free will, and phallic devil chest-snakes.

The last boss, Chaos, was surprisingly difficult. I still beat him on the first try, though not all of my characters were conscious when he bit it. But I’ll get to that.

This version of the game assumes that you’ve played Final Fantasy before, I think. Otherwise it wouldn’t confuse the player by introducing optional dungeons the way that it does. During my final tour through the cities before tackling the dungeon, I ran into a cloaked dude in Cornelia:

When I went to the Chaos Shrine, this same guy was waiting for me. He walked to the back of the shrine, a door appeared and he went through. So I did the same thing. I talked with him, and he explained that I’d have to give up some abilities to move forward.

For the first part, I gave up the ability to flee from combat. In return, I was given several minutes to complete the level. I watched a pixie float in, do a dance, then float off. Then 5 pixies flew in, and I had to pick out the original pixie. It was not especially difficult.

It progressed like this for a while. I passed several floors. But this was very strange. This seemed unrelated to the plot. It also did not seem like a 1987 console RPG would present these sort of puzzles. In fact, the whole “lose the ability to do this or that” thing1 reminded me of the Battle Square in Final Fantasy VII.

It wouldn’t allow me to save my game either.

While I had never been this far in the game, I was familiar with the general sequence of events, and this seemed all wrong. So I looked up some walkthroughs for the PSP version, and sure enough, I had stumbled onto another optional, super-hard dungeon. In fact, it’s apparently the most difficult area in the game, and the walkthrough suggested that my characters all be level 99 and have all the best equipment.

My characters were around level 50, and I just really wanted to complete the main plot. It’s possible I’ll come back later to try the optional dungeons, but I probably won’t. Luckily I had saved outside, so I just loaded that save.

This time, instead of going to the back, I went into the central area where I had fought Garland near the beginning of the game. I triggered a time portal, stepped into it and was teleported 2000 years in the past.

Time travel in works of fiction usually bugs me. One thing that no one ever takes into account is that the Earth (or whatever planet) you’re on is moving through space. So time travel also has to be spatial travel if you don’t want to pop up in the void of space. And that’s a lot of distance, especially over 2000 years. The answer people usually give to this question is that if scientists figured out how to travel to the past, then surmounting the distance problem should be trivial. I don’t like that explanation. Moving forward in time faster relative to others involves moving at a very, very fast speed. You could fly very close to the speed of light around the Earth many times, tracking its movement through space, and end up far in the future relative to the passage of time from your point of view and still spatially near the Earth. If moving through the past worked the same way,2 and you could somehow keep your ship intact while traveling at such high speeds (and at revolving tightly around the Earth), then I guess the spatial issue would be resolved. Note that I got my degree in Philosophy and English, and I have no idea what I’m talking about.3 In this matter or any other, really.

I’m also annoyed by supposed time loops and paradoxes. But I’ll get to that shortly.

Anyway, they step on the portal and they’re in the same temple 2000 years in the past. It’s in better shape now. Then. Whatever.

I made my way through. In short order I came across Lich again. He seemed to be a little more formidable than before, but it wasn’t much of a challenge. Continuing deeper in, I came across Marilith again. Something interesting happened here. I had stepped on a square and fought Marilith, then noticed that there was a path going east just south of me. There were stairs a couple blocks north of me. So I went to explore the path to the south, and when I headed back for the stairs, stepping on the square triggered another fight with Marilith. The fight wasn’t difficult, so it wasn’t an inconvenience, but Marilith (like Lich) didn’t reward much experience or gil at this point.

I eventually found and defeated Kraken, and then Tiamat. I also had to fight Tiamat twice, as I had missed a section. It was worth it, though, because I found Masamune, which is a very good sword that can be used by anyone, even magic users. I gave it to Kai. If I had to do it again I’d just give it to Frotz, at least for the last battle.

Finally I made my way to Garland, AKA Chaos. Garland gave a James Bond villain speech, where he explained a lot of what was going on. When my characters killed Garland, the Four Fiends sent him 2000 years back in time. Somehow they saved him and transformed him into a demon named Chaos. Then he sends the fiends into the future so that they can send him to the past. He also supposedly kills the Light Warriors (my peeps).

Oh boy. These tenses are going to get confusing. Er, were confusing. Will have been. Were to be?

That’s all ok. Causal loops, despite being somewhat mind-bending, do make some logical sense. But characters throughout the game refer to it as a cycle, as does Garland. He refers to killing the Light Warriors again and again. That’s the part that doesn’t make sense. An event that happens at a particular point in time only happens once. Yes, a future event causes the event in the past, but that doesn’t mean that something happens again and again. A causal loop only happens once. There are no different Light Warriors to kill.

Wait, how do I die and die again? I've had it up to here with all these platonic metempsychotics! Are you with me, people?

You can’t change the past. Period.4 If you engage in some form of time travel to the past, that’s fine, but it already happened. That means that before you hop into your time machine to go twenty minutes into the past to give your dad a wedgie, he’s going to tell you that about 20 minutes ago, you gave him a wedgie. Then you’ll hop in the machine, burst out, and give your dad a wedgie. It’s ok — you never actually had free will to begin with.5

I’m unsure at this point whether Garland/Chaos sent the fiends into the future before I burst into the room. I had just fought each of them (two of them twice each as well — also very confusing). It’s possible that between defeating Tiamat and finding Garland/Chaos he sent them to the future. If he did send them into the future before this encounter, that makes sense. If he’s supposed to kill the Light Warriors and then send the Fiends into the future, it doesn’t make sense, because I can assure you I murdered the shit out of Chaos. And he did send them into the future, because they sent him to the past, where he’s bragging to me shortly before getting his ass handed to him.

It’s also not entirely clear if Chaos supposedly defeats the Light Warriors then chills out for 2000 years, becoming a human again, then getting beat by the Light Warriors before being sent back in time. He says something that hints at that, but that also doesn’t make sense to me. How did he stop being a demon? What did he do for 2 millennia?

Wait, is that Garland in 2000 years part of your past personal timeline, or actually a future version of you that you have yet to experience. NO DON'T GIVE ME THAT TIME LOOP CRAP.

To sum up my frustration here: the Twelve Monkeys model of time travel makes sense. Back to the Future‘s model does not. This game seems to embrace some form of the latter. But more importantly, can we talk about what’s going on here?

Those are the scariest knees I have ever seen. Or been seen by.

Seriously — there’s a lot happening here. Final Fantasy bosses have a tendency to look a little over the top, but what exactly is that phallic devil snake coming out of his chest? And the knees — why do you need faces on your knees? How would you do rock power-slides without seriously injuring your face-knee pals? Do they have to be fed? Wouldn’t it be weird to watch a face-knee eat ribs? Because the face-knee would get sauce all over his face, and it would be hilarious, because how is he going to wipe the sauce off? I suppose Chaos could grab a wet-nap and wipe the face-knee’s face, but do you think maybe Chaos sometimes doesn’t do that, just to get a rise out of him?

Anyway, Chaos was actually pretty tough to defeat. The game might have benefitted from having more bosses of similar difficulty. I came very close to defeat a couple times.

I tried using status effects to pump my characters up, but he was able to kill characters with a single hit. So Kai was preoccupied for most of the fight with reviving and healing characters. My fighters weren’t doing much damage, especially since they lost Haste when they were knocked out.

At one point everyone except Yurto was unconscious/dead. Eventually I turned the tide. When Chaos went down, everyone was conscious except for Frotz.

The game’s ending sequence explains that now that the cycle was broken (this makes no sense, McFly), Garland was never sent to the past, the fiends were never sent to the future, and none of this shit happened. But. But. The story lives on in legend, somehow. People sing about it or something. But no one remembers it, because it didn’t happen, because we broke the cycle.

Again, that makes no sense. You can’t change the past. My characters defeated Chaos 2000 years in the past, and that’s that.


When it was all over, the game let me save a New Game Plus save. Which means I can start a new game and keep my bestiary or something, which is amazing because I always wanted to keep my bestiary…? I’m sure there’s another benefit that I’m forgetting here. The best part is that Frotz is dead in the game save. He’s doing a face-plant. I don’t have a picture at the moment, but I may include it in a followup.

So I may do a followup post — a summary or a review or something. I haven’t decided yet. I usually like to think about something like that for a while before trying to put it to words. It should be clear if you somehow made it this far into this post that I could probably spend more time and thought on these posts. I should maybe try to be a little more concise, and a little less 2000-wordy. Though maybe I typed roughly 2000 words to mirror the 2000 years I travelled back in time to punch Garland in his stupid face. Did I just blow your mind?

That said, I’ve already started on the next game. Or, rather, I’ve picked up where I left off with Final Fantasy XIII. The story surrounding why it’s taken me so long to beat this game will probably be more interesting that anything I have to say about the gameplay from here on out, since I am at the very last save spot in the game before the final battles. I’ll get into that later.

I should beat it in short order, though it may have to wait for the weekend.

After that, I’ll probably play Chrono Trigger, since I get so worked up over incoherent time travel.

  1. At various points I also sacrificed my ability to use items, cast white spells, etc.
  2. I forget how the math works out — isn’t it if you could somehow move faster than light then you could, theoretically, move backward in time?
  3. Let this serve as a warning, kids. Get a degree in something like Philosophy and you may find yourself in your mid-30s writing a blog about your own ineptitude with regard to beating video games in a timely manner. I have many regrets.
  4. It’s around here that some smart-ass will start arguing about the many-worlds interpretation and quantum branching. Even if something as apparently unverifiable as this is true, it still wouldn’t account for a closed causal loop. Perhaps a spiral? Now might be a good time for me to reiterate that I really have no idea what I’m talking about. Look, I read A Brief History of Time once, like 15 years ago. That’s all I’ve got.
  5. Don’t ever argue with anyone about free will. It never ends well. Also, now that I’ve told you not to have that argument, you will either A) heed my words, undermining your free will, or B) not do what I say, still undermining your free will. In fact, I shouldn’t even be writing this.

Final Fantasy: The Fourth Crystal, and Dancing Your Way to Foreign Language Mastery

After teleporting out of the Sunken Shrine, I talked to the people in Onrac. Specifically, I talked to Dr. Unne’s brother, who exhorted me to take the Rosetta Stone to Dr. Unne.

I did so. Dr. Unne was very excited to see it. After studying it for at least 20 seconds, he mastered the Lufenian language. Even better, he offered to teach me. Apparently learning a foreign language involves thrusting your arms out repeatedly while your teacher hops several times. I’m not kidding.

Why didn't they use this amazing technique in my college French classes? This is all I remember from 2 semesters of French: "Zut alors!" That's it. Oh, and "Va te faire enculer chez les grecs!" Side note: this is a perfectly appropriate and valid response to any attempt my anyone to engage you in socratic dialogue against your will. But forget I said any of this, as this is a family blog.

Now that I was a master of Lufenian, I headed for the last city I hadn’t been to. Presumably Lufenia. I presumed right. It totally was Lufenia. And since I had thrust my arms multiple times over the course of 5 seconds, I could speak to its denizens.

They lived in the clouds… and they were called the "Sky People". I don't know, I just don't understand the connection.

The Lufenians were full of interesting information. Most confusing was a comment about 5 warriors who had been sent out to track down the big bad guy. There was also a comment that I think referred to them being turned into bats, though I might be confusing some things. Anyway, this got me wondering whether there might be a subplot involving all the “Kee-Kee!” bats I’d been running into.

Anyway, the Lufenians had tried to fight off Tiamat, the fourth of the fiends, 400 years ago, but were not successful. One of them gave me a chime that would grant me entrance to the Mirage Tower.

I headed there. There’s not much to say — I fought through a lot of enemies, eventually finding a warp to the Flying Fortress. I guess the warp cube I got from the robot earlier helped with that.

Anyway, I eventually found 3 interesting things. First was some Adamantite.

I wasn’t sure what it was for, but the game made a big deal out of it. Played some music and everything.

Second was a window showing the geographical center of all of the crystals. It was very close to where the game started, in Cornelia.

Third was Tiamat. Tiamat was actually a little tougher than the other fiends, but that’s not saying much. She went down in short order.

That's not how things played out.

Anyway, it was the usual deal. Lit the crystal, teleported out, all that.

I had lit all the crystals, but it appeared that there was still a big baddie to deal with. Before heading to the spot indicated in the window above, I went to the various towns, swapping spells around and seeing if there were loose ends to wrap up. It turns out that the adamantite could be used by that dwarf blacksmith in Dwarfopolis to forge Excalibur. That is super-confusing, considering the whole legend around that sword, but cool. It is a bad-ass sword.

Spells in order,1 Excalibur in hand, I was ready to go after the head douchebag. In a hilarious repeat of an earlier confusing mistake, I went on a fairly long detour that left me a little frustrated with this game’s self-awareness as a remake.

But I’ll explain that in my next post.

Until then, I’ll leave you with two things. First, if you look at my list of games, you may see something exciting, though not entirely surprising. Second, here’s Square trying to shoe-horn Cid into the plot. This was definitely not in the original:

Yeah? And was Cid a chocobo? With a pet moogle? And will anyone who is actually likely to read this have any idea what I'm talking about?

I get why they did it — a character named Cid is in most of the Final Fantasy games. Usually it’s someone associated with airships somehow. Still, it seemed a little silly to throw this in. Unless I’m completely mistaken, of course. But this feels like some Grade-A Lucasian retconning.

  1. I had several items that could be used to cast some spells without limit, including Invisira, which allowed me to drop that spell and get Exit. I also ended up getting Teleport.

Final Fantasy: Do You Want to Get in the Barrel?

Oxyale1 in hand, I headed back to the submarine in Onrac.

The girl standing if front of it was happy to see I had it. She exhorted me to “save the mermaids”, then she kind of floated away. The float-away was kind of slow and awkward. Everyone was a little uncomfortable.

Then the game presented me with an interesting question:

Hey kids, here's a pro-tip: the answer to this question is always NO.

There is never any situation where the answer to “Do you want to get in the barrel?” is Yes.

So I got in the barrel. I was treated to a bit of a cut scene and found myself in the Sunken Shrine. I fought my way to the top level and came across a bunch of mermaids. They were less impressed by my legs than the townsfolk in Onrac, but they were surprised to see that I could breathe underwater.

Because these legs aren't REALLY mine!?

See, that is an appropriate question to ask someone: “You can BREATHE underwater?” It is so much more reasonable than, “Are those REALLY your legs?”

More interesting was this exchange:

So it would appear that it’s hard to get into the tower in the desert, and that there’s an instrument or chime that is a key of some sort. I also found a “Rosetta Stone”:

This is, as any student of history knows, a reference to expensive software that will teach you to say "I am a United States wanting a talk box to buy cheese pie" in a couple dozen languages.

Anyway, after talking to them all and collecting some nice armor, I headed down for the lowest level.

We are ourselves, and we still don't know just who we are. Seriously, we just showed up in front of a castle and started murdering goblins. No idea what's happening. Yurto keeps mumbling about unicorns eating his wife or something, but that's all we've got.

Some of the fights have started to get a little more challenging. The majority aren’t, though, and when they are, it’s because the enemy is paralyzing my characters or because they can do an insta-kill attack or something. But still, nothing to really worry about.

I eventually found Kraken. The fight went about as quickly as with Marilith. To illustrate, I went back to a previous save and recorded the fight.

That’s it. And here’s the thing: even the precautions I took here were probably a waste of time and spell points. I probably should have just attacked with my fighters (though they wouldn’t have done much damage without the Hastes) and had Yurto cast only Thundaga until Kraken croaked. Not that it really matters.

This, so far, is the biggest weakness of Final Fantasy on the PSP. It is just too easy. This is the 3rd of 4 Fiends. They are supposed to be major bosses, and they are pushovers. I did do some leveling early on before I fought the first fiend, but I’m not intentionally leveling anymore. However, I’m still gaining levels like crazy (I’m in the mid-40s now) and I haven’t had a single difficult fight. I don’t even know how not to level: the random encounters in dungeons are very, very frequent.

I honestly thought this game would be much harder. I remember dying quite a bit more in Final Fantasy IV and VI, at least in boss fights. Again, the difficulty may have been lowered for the PSP version. I think this was based on the old port to the original Playstation, but I never played that version. So I don’t know if this is unique to the PSP or not.

I mentioned before that I would try the original after beating this. I will definitely do that.

Oh, and one more thing. What the hell is this?

10 gil?! Screw this quest. With that kind of money I can retire and live a life of leisure.

Seriously. I am most of the way through the game and I keep coming across chests with tiny amounts of gil in them. Keep in mind that there are other chests around them with large amounts. There are also chests with little items like Potion, Antidote, etc. I just don’t get it. Is it a joke? I kind of laughed the first couple times, but it just keeps happening. Very weird.

  1. Is that pronounced ox-yale? Oxy-ale? Oaks-Yaw-lee?

Final Fantasy: Are those legs REALLY yours?

I parked the airship somewhat near a town called Onrac on one of the northern continents. I made my way west to the town.

This was one weird place. There was a lot of talk about legs, UFOs and robots.

I think this was the first dialog that genuinely surprised me.

Under what circumstances is this a legitimate question? Seriously, what's with you people and legs?

There were also some more high-level spells being sold. I bought some, but they’re getting very expensive now. There was also a woman who had tried to make her own submarine, but apparently it’s a deathtrap.

Normally I'd be pleased that this kind of explains the obsession with legs in this town. But then you had to speak the second half of that sentence. You made a submarine out of a BARREL? Sure, why not? By the way, I made a moped out of a rake and an angry mule.

Anyway, I picked up some good information here in Onrac. I was told the location of the caravan, where I could presumably find the faerie. Someone named Koppe told me about a UFO or something landing at a waterfall. I had flown over that waterfall earlier.

I left town and rowed canoe up the nearby river to find the waterfall. Inside was a cave.

It was fairly big, with lots of twisty passageways. After a good deal of exploring, I found myself in a room with a lot of treasure chests and a robot, presumably the one mentioned in town.

I have BEEN going as fast as I can, jerk.

It gave me a cube, of course.

So, er, okay. That said, someone in Onrac who was Dr. Unne’s brother mentioned “Sky People”. He also mentioned a language and a “Rosetta Stone”.

The robot didn’t have anything else useful to say, though, and I left. I’m still considering dropping a spell in exchange for the Exit spell, but I really like those spells. And anyway, new spells are getting expensive (as I mentioned earlier), so the extra fights on the way were probably worth it.

I decided to go look for the caravan. I apparently needed to get to the caravan to get the faerie, who could get me some oxyale, which would… do something?

After wandering somewhat aimlessly in the dessert fighting slightly tougher creatures than I normally encounter, I stumbled onto the caravan. There, a merchant was selling a bottle with a faerie in it for something like 40,000 gil.1 So I bought it. I headed back to Gaia, whereupon the faerie flew off to the northeast. I went up to a spring that I had previously found. The faerie was there, hanging out in a very Legend of Zelda sort of way. It gave me some Oxyale. It also informed me that I could use it to breathe underwater, so I guess I could try out that rickety wine barrel of a submarine after all.

So I’m going to head back to Onrac and hop in the “submarine”, though I may head back to the waterfall to make some more money first.

  1. I’m trying to use the word “gil” more.